The Odyssey of Yami B
by Dweia
Summary: More Yami B hijinks, and more Bandit bashing! Everything starts to get a little more frightening as we go on with the story.
1. Yami Bakura's Miraculous Vision

Well it's my first Yu-gi-oh fic and I hope you guys like it!! Please R&R!!! All criticisms accepted! First and foremost Yu-gi-oh and all assorted characters are not mine but I am currently planning a way to make them mine MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! Now I also want to thank people who helped me on the beginning because my beginnings well suck! Also, Eminem and Vanilla Ice do not belong to me. If they did I would have committed suicide.  
  
"I am so bored." Yami Bakura groaned, slumping on the couch. "Figures Bakura takes off the Ring before he goes to school, leaving me stranded here!" The ancient tomb robber crossed his arms angrily. "Okay, so maybe I DID try to strangle him and set his hamster on fire, but still.." Yami Bakura's gaze suddenly fell upon a strange, black, rectangular object with many grey buttons (A.K.A, the T.V. remote). "Hmmm." Yami Bakura picked it up thoughtfully. "What is this strange contraption?" He experimentally pressed the button labeled 'Power'. The T.V. turned on with a click. However, the volume was turned down so low, it didn't quite reach the ancient spirit's ears, and thus he had no idea that the T.V. in front of him was on. He still stared at the remote. "Nothing happened. Well, what does this do?" He pressed the channel up button. The channels quickly switched upward, finally coming to a stop on BET. A rap music video was playing. Still unaware of anything, Yami Bakura shook the 'strange device' several times. Finally, he pressed the volume up button. Obviously, the sound became louder until.. "MY DAAAAAAAWWWWG!" The rapper on the screen blared. Yami Bakura screamed and dived behind the couch. Cautiously, he peered over the top. On the T.V. screen, the rapper stomped around, surrounded by bikini-clad women. The screen changed to show him riding in a bouncing car, wearing a fur coat and a pimp hat. Yami Bakura stared at the video unblinkingly, trying to make sense of the rapper's cryptic speech. His elbow unknowingly bumped the forgotten T.V. remote, turning the T.V. off suddenly. Yami Bakura gaped at the television's now blank screen, stunned. Suddenly, he leapt to his feet. " 'Tis a message from the Gods!' He cried. "The strange noise- picture box commands me to become like that strange being it has shown me!" He bowed towards the sun. "I hear your command and obey, Oh Gods." Yami Bakura straightened and frowned. "But." He puzzled, "How am I to become like the strange man on the screen? In truth, it sounds like sheer madness. but I must obey the gods!! The noise-picture box compels me! Who should I speak with to complete my appointed task?!?" Yami Bakura thought for a moment. "AHA!" He exclaimed, snapping his fingers, "There is only one other being on the Earth who would understand such a quest! I must go speak to one of the maddest people I know!"  
  
* * * "So, what brings you to see me, Yami Bakura?" Pegasus questioned taking a sip of his wine. "I have received a message from the gods." Yami Bakura announced gravely. "Hmm. I see, and how exactly is it that I can." Pegasus began. Suddenly, the door to Pegasus's office burst open. Bandit Keith stood in the doorway. But, something was amiss. His clothes were ragged and torn, his skin had developed the sickly grey pallor of the not-so-recently deceased. "Pegasus." The apparition groaned, reaching a hand out towards the billionaire. "AAAAAAHHHH" Yami Bakura shrieked, diving under the table. He glanced up to see what kind of reaction Pegasus must be having to this murderous specter. To Yami Bakura's shock, Pegasus's expression was one of complete annoyance. "Oh, for crying out loud!!" He snapped, slamming his wine glass down hard onto the table, causing some wine to spill onto his hand. "How many times do I have to tell you to LEAVE ME ALONE!?!" "How can you expect me to leave you alone??" Bandit fumed. "You killed me!!" "It's MY fault you can't swim?!?!" Pegasus rolled his eyes. "Besides, you were the one pointing a gun to my head remember?!?" "Well. it's still your fault!" Bandit stuttered. He stretched his arms out to Pegasus and gave a ghostly moan. "And I'll haunt you forever." "Oh go away." Pegasus made a shooing motion with his hands. "Don't you even feel the SLIGHTEST bit of remorse for my death?!" Bandit exclaimed. "Er. not really no." Pegasus shrugged. "Now will you please leave me alone?" "I can't" Bandit stared at the floor. "And why not?" "Because I'm undead and I'm lonely!" Bandit sat heavily down into the chair next to Pegasus and began sobbing into his hands. "Now stop that!" Pegasus said indignantly. "Can't you see I'm having a meeting with Yami Bakura?!?!? I've got no time for you! Shoo! Shoo!" "Time out!!" Yami Bakura crawled out from under the table and leapt to his feet. "Am I MISSING something here?! Bandit's come back from the grave as a zombie and all you can do is be slightly ANNOYED?!?" "Well what am I supposed to do, fear him?" Pegasus rolled his eyes. "Take a good look at the stiff! He's PATHETIC!" "Oh blow it out your ear!" Bandit muttered. He produced a bottle filled with red liquid out of his pocket and took a swig. Yami Bakura paled. "I. Is that." He gulped, staring at the bottle. He read the bottle's label. ".V8???" A sweat drop appeared on the spirit's forehead. "That's tomato juice?" "Well duh!" Bandit growled. "What were you expecting? Blood?" "Considering you're an UNDEAD ZOMBIE." Pegasus remarked dryly, resting his chin in his hand. "Beware." Bandit moaned. Pegasus whacked him on the head with his wine glass. "Knock it off."  
  
"Dammit." Bandit grumbled, rubbing his head. "How can I ever rest in peace, not being able to bring you pain?" "You're bringing me plenty of ANNOYANCE, which is very close." Pegasus sighed. "So why don't you run along to wherever the heck it is you're supposed to go and let ME rest in peace!?!?" "No way!" Bandit snarled. "Fine, be that way." Pegasus shook his head, irritated. "Now, be a good zombie and shut up while Yami Bakura and I talk. Now, Yami Bakura." He turned back to face the ancient thief, clearing his throat. "About this, er. message from the gods." "Oh, uh. yeah." Yami Bakura shook his head slightly, clearing it. He sat down once more. "You see the Gods visited upon me a very confusing vision. They showed to me a strange man, and, as far as I can understand. I think the Gods want me to become like him. I thought you might be able to help me." "Uh huh." Pegasus pulled a bottle of wine from a liquor cabinet in the corner, before sitting back down and beginning to fill a new glass, the previous one having been broken over Bandit's head. "Tell me about this man you saw." "It was all very bizarre." Yami Bakura scratched his head. "He spoke a strange language. It sounded like English, but there were words I've never heard before. And he spoke very fast, to music. His clothing was very odd as well. Sometimes it was very fancy with leather and fur. But most of the time he was wearing very loose, casual clothing. Like. um, sports jerseys and bandannas." Bandit snorted loudly, spitting out his tomato juice. "You," he coughed, "You. want to be a rapper?!?" The zombie duelist began to laugh. "Oh, that's too good!! YOU! A rapper!!" "You really want to become a rapper, Yami Bakura?" Pegasus eyed him incredulously, ignoring Bandit's hysterics. "If that is what that strange being is, then yes." Yami Bakura nodded fiercely. "It was commanded of me by the Gods. I must appease them." "Out of curiosity, what form did this, er, message from above take?" Pegasus questioned. "The Gods spoke to me through a black box with a face of glass that became filled with sounds and pictures as colorful and loud as if the events lay before me." Yami  
  
Bakura breathed dramatically, his gaze upon the heavens. "And then it. fell silent." Pegasus fell flat on his face. "You mean. the T.V.?" He groaned, getting back to his feet. "The. Tee. Vee?" Yami Bakura blinked, confused. "Is this the mortal name for the noise and picture box?" "Um. yeah." "Oh brother." Bandit shook his head. "Look, Egyptian dude, your 'heavenly vision' was just some music video!" "Music video? What is this phrase?" Yami Bakura cocked his head to one side. Bandit buried his head in his hands. "Oh let him go." Pegasus laughed, waving a hand. "What is the harm if he wants to be a rap star?" "Another white rapper?" Bandit glared daggers at Pegasus. "Another Eminem?! Another Vanilla Ice?!" "Oh." Pegasus cringed. "Um good point. Well, with the right guide, Yami Bakura won't make quite as much of a mess. Um. I hope." Pegasus brightened. "I know! I'll be your manager!" "Manager?" "Yes, you'll provide the talent and I'll provide the brains." Pegasus replied. "You're short at both ends." Bandit snickered. Pegasus ground Bandit's head into the desk. "Of course, I get the customary 10%." Pegasus told Yami Bakura, ignoring the zombie's squeals of pain. "10% of what?" Yami Bakura frowned puzzled. "This is going to be the easiest money I have ever made." Pegasus rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Now let's see." He looked the spirit over appraisingly. "We'll have to work on your image. The clothes definitely must go. except the Millenium Ring, of course. All rappers have medallions, these days. And we need to give you a new name. hmmm." Pegasus appeared thoughtful for a moment. (Someone should have taken a picture and sold it to Ripley's.) Finally, he snapped his fingers. "I've got it! Yami B!" "WHAT!!?!" Yami Bakura exclaimed. "That's awful!" "It's catchy and it'll sell. You can suffer the personal sting for your heavenly mission, right?" "I suppose." Yami Bakura replied grudgingly. "Okay then, from now on you only go by Yami B." Pegasus said sternly. "What's your name?" "Yami B." "Good man." Pegasus patted his 'client' on the back. "Now then." Pegasus pulled a pair of mirrored sunglasses out of nowhere, and donned them, as well as a British accent. "Time to 'ave my people call some other people and do lunch!" "Where did that accent come from?" Bandit asked, horrified. "I've always 'ad it, you simpleton! I've just been suppressin' it for the sake a' blendin' in." Pegasus snapped. "Blending in?" Bandit ran his eyes over Pegasus incredulously. "Red suit, funny lace shirt, really long hair, golden thing jammed into your eye." "Okay, so it was just on account a' my accent's kinda' ridiculous soundin'." Pegasus admitted. "And it makes you even gayer seeming than before." Yami B added. "Yes, and it ." Pegasus's eyes bugged out "Say what!?! I am not gay!! What on earth makes you think so!?!" Bandit Keith and Yami B gave him narrow looks. "Er. alright, so I do act a bit on the queer side. but I'm not! Really!" "Uh huh." Yami B raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Hey, wait a second!" Bandit exclaimed worriedly. "If you two are going to go running off on some musical odyssey, what's going to happen to me?!" "Um. I think the real question here is, should I care?" Yami B said coldly. Pegasus didn't say anything, but his expression seemed to say the same. Bandit gave them a pathetic look, and then stared at the ground, his shoulders slumped. "Oh." Pegasus rolled his eyes. "Fine! You can be Yami B's bodyguard. At least it'll keep ya partially out of my 'air." "Yaaay!" Bandit gave a very uncharacteristic happy squeal. Yami B and Pegasus stared at him, jaws gaping. "Er. I mean BEWAAARE!!!!!" The zombie quickly moaned. "Go buy yerself another bottle a' V8." Pegasus snapped, handing him a five dollar bill. "Okay." Bandit turned and quickly left the room. The other two stared after him for a moment. "Where the hell does he come from anyway?" Yami B turned to Pegasus. "America, ya dope." Pegasus pushed up his sunglasses matter-of- factly. "No, no. I mean, the zombie thing." "Ah, not really sure, to tell ya the truth. 'e just showed up one day, moanin' 'bout revenge an' all that. 'e goes away an' then comes back again. Damndest thing that." "And just where exactly is he hanging out, when he's not making pathetic attempts at visiting you with misery?" "No idea." "So he just walks in suddenly? No warnings, no nothing? None of your servants stop him?" "Nope." "Ah." Yami B was silent for a moment. "Well, I suppose he'll make an excellent bodyguard.' "Oh yes. If there's one thing 'e's got goin' for 'im, it's sheer brute force." "Not much else though.' "Not a damn thing."  
  
* * *  
  
"The first thing we 'ave to fix is your clothing." Pegasus commented, glancing at Yami B speculatively. "This 'ere will just never do." Bandit Keith was listening in the background sipping on some V8. He started to choke. "And just what do YOU know about what rappers wear?" He asked, laughing as he looked at Pegasus's usual red suit outfit. Pegasus sniffed loudly before studiously turning away from Keith. Pegasus placed one finger delicately on his own chin and the other on his waist. Keith snickered loudly, "Oh suuuuure.. and THAT isn't gay!" Pegasus ignored Keith and turned toward Croquet and started reading off a list of needed clothes. "We must have a hat, preferably a black ski cap, jeans extra extra large in dark blue, ripped in some places. A sports jersey that buttons down the front as well and an extra large white t-shirt. We also must have the most expensive pair of name brand shoes it is possible to buy! Lastly, we need a few pairs of boxers in plaids or patterned." Bandit Keith looked stunned and Yami B looked a little unconscious. Keith glanced down at the now empty V8 bottle. He shook it upside down and then looked at Pegasus pointedly. Pegasus sighed and handed Keith a few bills out of his pocket. Keith laughed happily and went skipping off to find a vending machine. Pegasus looked disgusted. "HA, an' 'e calls ME gay!!!!!" He turned back to Yami Bakura. Yami B glanced at Pegasus. "And how are any of those clothes going to fit me, exactly?" He asked uncertainly. "Oh, don't worry." Pegasus responded absentmindedly. "It's not supposed to." "Uh.okay." "Oh, and make sure the shoes are an odd color, Croquet." Pegasus added, waving off into the distance with one hand. Bandit Keith staggered back into the room. Pegasus groaned, rolling his eyes. "Oh, what is it n-" He cut off abruptly as Bandit gave a loud hiccup, wearing a ridiculous grin on his face. "This here V8 sure gots a punch to it, Peggie mah boy!" He exclaimed cheerfully, throwing an arm over Pegasus' shoulder and giving him a soft punch to the face with his other hand. "This is a stick-up.gimme first prize!" Bandit's eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out on the floor. Pegasus stood there for a moment, frozen. "What.the.'ELL?!" The billionaire finally cried. Croquet leaned down and seized the bottle of V8, which was leaking onto the carpet. He delicately sniffed the inside. "It appears to have been.'spiked', Master Pegasus. In fact, it smells rather like your private sake stash." "Grrr." Pegasus growled. "Will there NEVER be peace and qui-" He was interrupted once again by a snore from the drunken zombie. "But I dun wanna go to school, Mommy.Hic.all the other kids are mean to me." Bandit murmured, as rolled over on the floor and threw an arm over his head. "No, Mommy!! NOO!!" Pegasus gave an exasperated sigh, covering his eyes with one hand. "Stupid idiot! Well, I guess we 'ad better let 'im sleep it off." Pegasus motioned for Croquet and Yami B to follow him from the room. Behind them, Bandit Keith began shrieking hysterically. "Stay away from me!! Help!! HELP!!!" He woke up with a jerk and grabbed onto Pegasus' leg. "Please don't leave me!! The Reaper of the Cards is coming to get me!! PLEASE.!!" The zombie duelist sobbed noisily, and Pegasus' pant leg rapidly became soaking wet with his tears. Pegasus glared daggers down at Bandit, who smiled weakly as he slowly backed away. "Please don't hurt me." Croquet glanced around the room anxiously before hurridly exiting out into the hallway, presumably to carry out the clothing order, but more likely to get away from the walking hysterical undead. "Wait a minute, Croquet." Pegasus called after him, stopping him in his tracks. "Take Bandit Keith here to a spare bedroom to sleep off his lunacy, would you?" Before the others could stop him, Bandit grabbed his V8 and glugged the rest of it down. He passed out again almost immediately. "That'd have to be an awfully long nap." Croquet remarked dryly, dragging the sleeping, drunken corpse out of the room. "Make it so!" Pegasus ordered, and then giggled. "I've always wanted to say that!" Yami B stared after Bandit and Croquet for a while. "And he's ALWAYS like that?" The soon-to-be rapper finally demanded. "Yeah," Pegasus nodded sadly. "Really needs to dig that stick out of 'is ass, doesn't 'e?" "What?" Yami B blinked. "Oh, not Croquet! I meant Bandit." "Oh." Pegasus cocked his head to the side for a minute. "What, you mean the violent mood swings, frequent 'ysterics, and constant alcoholic binges? Pretty much." Pegasus' one good eye went rather shoujo-esque for a moment. "But 'e's AWFULLY cute when 'e's sleeping, eh?" "Uh." Yami B stuttered. "I.wouldn't know." He gave Pegasus the Fish Eye. Pegasus blinked, suddenly seeming to realize what he was saying. "Ewww.not that I sleep WITH 'im, mind you!" He quickly corrected. "Yeah, not HIM." Yami B snickered. "I AM NOT GAY!!" Pegasus cried angrily. Just then, Croquet passed by in the hallway. "Croquet, tell 'im I'm not gay!!" "Leave me out of this." Croquet held up his hands, a droplet of sweat appearing over his head. He quickly walked away again. Yami B barely contained his laughter behind his hands. "Oh, shut up." Pegasus glared at the ancient robber, seething. "You want my 'elp completing your 'oly mission or not?!" "Okay, okay." "Now," Pegasus continued. "we most definitely need some bikini-clad women! Who could we possibly call?" He wondered, unconsciously perhaps, his hand had wandered back to his chin. Abruptly Pegasus snapped his fingers and went to the rolofile sitting on his desk. He flipped through the file and pulled out three names with phone numbers. The first two he placed carefully on the desk, the third however, he handled very gently and looked at it for a while, his face growing red. Yami B looked puzzled and watched as Pegasus dialed the first two phone numbers. "'ello Téa? Yeah could use your help." Pegasus winced slightly at whatever Téa was saying on the other end. "Yes, I know I did that but in truth it isn't for me.. No it's for Yami B.. Yes, yes I know that as well but. We'll pay you and besides Yugi and I worked all that out. oh, thank you indeed! The job? Heh heh, well Yami B needs you to be in his rapper video.. Yeah, I know, it is strange but come on, please? You'll do it? Smahshing, I'll call you later. Cheerio." Pegasus hung up the phone and filled a glass with wine. He quickly drank it and filled another glass. "Now for the next call." He said sighing. "Mai, Pegasus 'ere and I 'ave a proposition for you." Pegasus turned bright red and laughed slightly. "Not that sort of proposition, of course! Yami B needs you in his debut rapper music video. Haha! Knew I could count on you! Thanks! Ciao!" Finally Pegasus turned to the last card and carefully dialed the number. "Serenity? Oh 'ello, so nice to speak to you again. 'ow was the operation? Great, look I have a favor. Yeah before I tell you, is your brother there? 'e isn't? Perfect, now then, Yami B needs you in his rap video.oh that is good of you! Yeah maybe sometime we could get together. Heh, yeah next Saturday would be great. Tea? Lovely. ok well bye then" Pegasus smiled slightly before hanging up the telephone receiver. "Now that is done maybe we should get to this 'music' part you spoke of." Yami B reminded Pegasus. "What? Oh that part isn't important at all. Let's go see how far Croquet has gotten with the clothing situation." Pegasus swept out of the room with a slightly giddy look on his face and a confused Yami B trailing along behind him.  
  
Well welcome to this new wacky world of scary people? It's kinda based on Evil Super Villains isn't it? Oh well the weirder the funnier! Well TaTa Cheerio and review please!!!! If I get enough reviews we'll write chappie 2!!!! Won't that be fun? Tee hee hee! 


	2. The Photo Shoot

Well Hi everybody! With this lovely break of uninterrupted time I had time to write the second chapter!!!! Yay! Sorry about the paragraphs last time, I wasn't sure what to do about it when I saw it but I think I have it fixed this time! Well enjoy and just so you know Yu-gi-oh is not mine. Also I would like to thank DemonQueen666 for her continued help on this project. (Whee-Bob) OH! I also do not own Pepsi nor Coke, whichever one happens to make Sprite..nor do I own Harry Potter..  
  
The front door to Yugi Mutoh's house slammed open as the short, spiky- haired boy stepped inside. With a sigh, he tossed his backpack down on the floor and flopped onto the couch.  
  
"Boy." Yugi sighed heavily. "What a day!" He groaned slightly. "And way too much homework, too!" He grimaced and rubbed his shoulders, remembering the recently released weight of his backpack. He slowly got back to his feet and made his way into the kitchen. "I could really use a cold soda right about." He stopped dead in his tracks.  
  
Right in the middle of the tiled kitchen floor was a large, black-and- white cow. It stared at Yugi with stupid brown eyes and gave a slight moo, before returning to the pile of hay at its feet.  
  
"What . the . .?" Yugi stared, his mouth open. "Where did this thing come from?"  
  
"Hi Yugi!" Yami said cheerfully, walking into the kitchen. He walked past the cow, seemingly oblivious to its presence, and got himself a beer from the fridge. "You want one?"  
  
"You know I don't drink, Yami." Yugi replied, eyes still focused on the cow. "I'd like a Sprite. Oh, and while you're here. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!?!" He yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the cow.  
  
"You mean to tell me you've never seen a cow before?" Yami said, stunned. Yugi promptly fell on his face.  
  
"I know it's a cow!!" The short boy snapped, getting back to his feet. "I meant, what is it DOING here?!?!"  
  
"Eating her lunch it appears." Yami replied, taking a swig from his beer bottle. Yugi ground his teeth in frustration.  
  
Where did it come from?" He growled from between clenched teeth.  
  
"From my tomb of course." Yami explained. He scratched the cow behind her ear. "This is Yamu. She's been my pet ever since I was a little pharaoh."  
  
"Yamu?" Yugi repeated, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "Is she. um. a sacred cow?"  
  
"Nah." Yami put his beer bottle down on the countertop. "She's just a GOOD cow." He affectionately hugged Yamu around the neck and began cooing to her happily. "She is a good cow, isn't she Yamu? Yes she is! Yes. you're such a good cow!"  
  
"I'm. gonna go and do my homework now." Yugi said, backing out of the kitchen slowly.  
  
"Don't you want your Sprite?" Yami called after him.  
  
"That's ok Yami." Yugi shook his head, "I'm not thirsty anymore." He retreated into the relative safety of the living room. Yugi pulled out his Math homework and sat down with it. "I think my Millenium Spirit drinks too many beers." Suddenly, a raspy voice began whispering from inside the walls.  
  
"Time. to kill." Yugi looked up, startled. The voice continued. "Let me rip. let me tear. been so long." It hissed slowly and menacingly. "Time to kill. time to die." Yugi got up, marched over to the wall, and pulled open the door to the crawlspace.  
  
"Knock it off, Tristan!!" Yugi shouted, irritated. "How many times have I told you to quit it with the stupid Harry Potter basilisk impressions!?!" Tristan's head and shoulders popped out of the crawlspace door.  
  
"Aw, man." He muttered, shaking plaster out of his hair. "You never let me have ANY fun!"  
  
"You call crawling around inside the walls of my house and making obscure references to children's literature fun?!?" Yugi demanded.  
  
"Hell yeah!" Tristan replied. He started to pull himself out of the narrow crawlspace door. "Got any beer?" Yugi sighed, a sweatdrop forming.  
  
"Yugi come here!" Yami's voice called from the kitchen. "Yamu needs milking!"  
  
"I'm not going to milk your Yamu!" Yugi yelled angrily. He paused, and then blinked. Then he shuddered. "That sounded really bad.."  
  
"Dude, you have a killer whale in you house?" Tristan cried, eyes wide. "And it needs to be MILKED?!" Yugi gave him a very amazed look before he opened his mouth to reply. Just then, Grandpa Mutoh walked in.  
  
"Hello Tristan!" He chuckled, sipping from a bottle of Bud Lite. "Trying to scare everyone with your Basilisk impressions again eh? Hello Yami."  
  
"I'm Yugi, Grandpa." Yugi corrected him patiently. Grandpa turned to him and looked him over, squinting.  
  
"Oh yeah. you are, aren't you? Then that must be Yami in the kitchen. I wondered why YOU'D be drinking beer." Grandpa took another sip from his bottle. "Which reminds me, when did we get a dairy cow?"  
  
"Dude." Tristan gasped, awed. "You have a killer whale AND a cow?!?! My parents won't even let me have a gerbil!"  
  
"Maybe because you keep killing small animals and writing 'Enemies of the heir beware' on the walls in their blood." Yugi reminded him.  
  
"We have a killer WHAT, now?" Grandpa Mutoh demanded, looking alarmed. Yugi shook his head impatiently.  
  
"No, Tristan just thinks we have a whale Grandpa." He turned to Tristan. "Yamu is the name of the cow. It's Yami's pet."  
  
"Aw. and here I thought you had a whale!" Tristan sighed, finally finished getting out of the crawlspace and dusting himself off.  
  
"Yugi!!" Yami cried, sounding very angry. "Get in here! Yamu won't milk herself you know!"  
  
"You milk her!" Yugi yelled back.  
  
"Me? A Pharaoh? Milk a cow?!" Yami laughed uproariously, as if that were the funniest thing he had ever heard.  
  
"Former pharaoh." Yugi reminded him. "And I thought she was your friend!!"  
  
"Hey, just because she's my friend doesn't mean I have to milk her! Do you milk Téa?"  
  
"The opportunity's never come up.." Yugi replied sarcastically.  
  
"I'd like to get my hands on Téa's udders, I'll tell you what." Tristan sighed longingly.  
  
"Tristan!!" Yugi exclaimed. "Eww!!"  
  
"What?" Tristan blinked  
  
"I command you to milk my cow, Yugi!" Yami shouted.  
  
"Oh, keep your gothic pants on!" Grandpa exclaimed. "I'LL do it!!" He shuffled off into the kitchen.  
  
"Bring me a beer; Thanks!" Tristan called after him. Yugi rolled his eyes.  
  
"Am I the only non-drinker around here?" He sighed.  
  
"Yep, you're the only weird one Yugi!!" Tristan laughed, patting his friend's spiky hair. He looked around the living room appraisingly. "Got any chicken blood? That wall over there looks like the perfect canvas for the next message of the Dark Lord."  
  
"Milk faster, minion!" Yami's voice echoed clearly from the kitchen. "Yamu's needs must be satisfied!"  
  
"Don't yell at me, Yugi!" Grandpa replied angrily. "How many times have I told you to respect your elders?"  
  
"I'm Yami, you senile old bat!"  
  
"You are? Oh yes. sorry, my mistake."  
  
"I'M the weirdo?" Yugi muttered, scratching his head with a sigh. The front door slammed open and Joey ran in, panting.  
  
"Hey, Joe." Yugi began. Before he could finish what he was saying, however, Joey ran right past him and into the kitchen.  
  
"Yugi! Where are you buddy?! Oh, hey, Mr. Mutoh. Yugi!!" Yugi and Tristan could clearly hear him yelling in the kitchen.  
  
"In the living room, Joey!" Yugi shouted. "You ran right past us!"  
  
"Oh." Joey ran back into the living room. "Say, did you know there is a cow in your kitchen?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do." Yugi remarked dryly. "What's up?"  
  
"Oh man.." Joey shook his head in worry. "It's Serenity. She's missing, and I don't know where she is! And Mai was supposed to call me, but she's gone too! So I called Teá to see if she might have known where they were, and she isn't home either!"  
  
"Oh well." Yugi shrugged impatiently. "They're probably just having a girl's day out, or something."  
  
"But Serenity hardly ever goes anywhere without telling me!" Joey exclaimed.  
  
"Time to kill.." Tristan hissed. Joey gave him an annoyed look.  
  
"Are you still imitating that whole heir to Slytherin thing, man?"  
  
"I AM the heir to Slytherin!!" Tristan roared, cackling mentally.  
  
"God help me." Yugi buried his head in his hands.  
  
"And I called Bakura, and he said his Yami's missing too!"  
  
"What?" Yugi said, frozen stiff. He gave Joey a horrified look. "Yami. Bakura...? MISSING?!"  
  
"Ack!!" Tristan cried. "We've got to find him, before he burns the whole planet down!"  
  
"Yeah!" Yugi agreed whole-heartedly.  
  
"Or worse," Tristan continued. "Conquers the world... before I have the chance!"  
  
"Dude, you are NOT Tom Marvolo Riddle!" Joey said, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Am so." Tristan glared at him.  
  
"Leave him alone." Yugi sighed, turning to Joey. "We have more important things to worry about right now. Come on Yami!" He yelled to his other half in the kitchen. "We're going to find Yami Bakura!"  
  
"Why would you want to find HIM?" Yami snorted, sticking his head out of the kitchen.  
  
"So he doesn't kill somebody, that's why." Joey glared at him.  
  
"Oh.." Yami grimaced. "Good point." He snapped his fingers. "Come, Yamu!" With a deep lowing, the cow slowly plodded behind her master.  
  
"We're going to look for an evil spirit and take the cow?" Joey demanded.  
  
"Hey, it's no stranger then the rest of our lives." Yugi sighed heavily. Tristan hissed menacingly.  
  
* * *  
  
"'urry up reading that already, Yami B." Pegasus tapped his foot impatiently. "The girls will be 'ere to shoot the photos any minute!"  
  
"Alright, Alright.." Yami B muttered, thumbing through the pages of 'Ebonics for Dummies'. "I don't mean to sound paranoid, but have we actually found a song for me to sing yet?"  
  
"Rap. Not singing." Pegasus quickly corrected him. "There's an 'uge difference."  
  
"Whatever." Yami B sighed. "Do we have a rap, or am I supposed to ad- lib?"  
  
"No, don't worry about that." Pegasus told him reassuringly. "Kemo's writing as we speak."  
  
"Oh, okay. KEMO?!?!" Yami B gave Pegasus a horrified look. "That guard with the shark fin hot-glued to his head?! HIM?!?"  
  
"Well, 'e was the only one 'oo offered.."  
  
"Can he even read?" Yami B asked dryly. Pegasus seemed to think about that for a moment.  
  
"I believe so.."  
  
"Oh, whatever. As long as I can fulfill my mission for the Gods, I don't care what happens."  
  
"Yes, yes. 'eavenly mission, all important. yadda yadda.." Pegasus sighed impatiently. He clapped his hands. "Croquet should be here with the clothes any minute now."  
  
"What about what the girls are wearing?"  
  
"Oh I think there are still some swimsuits around 'ere somewhere." Pegasus said quietly.  
  
"From your wife?" Yami B asked. Pegasus began to sob uncontrollably.  
  
"OH, CECELIA MY DARLING!!! WAHHHHHHH!!"  
  
"Ack!" Yami B shouted, waving his arms. "I'm sorry!! I won't mention her again!! Calm down!!" Pegasus stopped crying and sniffled loudly. "Yeesh!" Yami B rolled his eyes. "Two words. seek. therapy. okay?"  
  
"Therapy?" Pegasus wiped his eyes. "Therapy is only for seriously disturbed people!" He pulled a Funny Bunny plushie out of seemingly nowhere. "Isn't that right Funny Bunny?" He said to the plushie, moving its head so it would nod.  
  
"And what do you call that?" Yami B muttered, returning to his ebonics book. * * *  
  
Meanwhile, Bandit Keith had finally awoken from his drunken stupor and was wandering down the halls, sipping from yet another bottle of V8. He'd been so preoccupied haunting Pegasus he hadn't yet had the chance to properly explore the castle. He'd quickly managed to find himself in the forbidden wing of the building (pure dumb luck of course). A few of Pegasus' goons had tried to intercept him, but the zombie had quickly knocked them unconscious and calmly continued along his way.  
  
Suddenly, his glance caught on a door labeled 'Caution: Forbidden. Access Denied.' So naturally, Bandit went inside. He traveled down a small, quiet hallway leading up to a single door. On the door was yet another sign. Bandit read it out loud.  
  
"'Halt where you stand. All are forbidden from this secret chamber, save the Grand and Brilliant Maximillion Pegasus himself. All others will be considered generally naughty, and punished in a very bad way. Thank you, and have a nice day.'" Bandit snickered. "And he says he isn't gay or deranged!" He pushed open the door and went inside.  
  
"Oh man." Bandit's expression changed from one of sly expectation to frustrated disappointment. "It's just his stupid wife's stuff!!" Inside the room was all of Cecelia's belongings, carefully arranged and preserved. Hanging on the wall were portraits of the millionaire's late wife. "Hmmph." Bandit glared angrily at her. He walked the rest of the way into the room and shut the door behind him.  
  
Bandit glanced around again, as if considering the personal effects of the dead woman. His gaze came to a stop on a bottle of perfume. He stared at it, then quickly shoved it off the dresser and onto the floor where it shattered. "Oops. my hand slipped!" Bandit laughed.  
  
"Meow." Bandit whirled around. A small tabby cat sat curled up on an armchair, looking at him with golden eyes. Pretty normal, except for the face of the cat was striped pink and purple. Not to mention it was grinning at him broadly. Bandit rubbed his eyes.  
  
"I must be drunker than I thought." He muttered, blinking at the cat. It didn't go away. Bandit shook his head and turned back towards the dresser, considering 'accidentally' knocking yet another bottle off.  
  
"I wouldn't do that." A soft, mysterious voice purred. The zombie turned around again. Seated in the armchair was a cat-girl, pink and purple striped. She had golden eyes and a smug expression on her face.  
  
"Who.?" Bandit stared at her. "What.?" He looked at his bottle of V8. "What the hell is IN this?!"  
  
"Nothing unusual." The cat-girl grinned even wider.  
  
"What are you?" Bandit demanded.  
  
"Oh, don't worry." She laughed. "I'm just a figment of your imagination, that's all."  
  
"Oh." Bandit stared at her for a minute. "Alright."  
  
"So." She got out of the chair and knelt down to examine the smashed bottle fragments. "Not a Cecelia Pegasus fan, I take it? Or is Chanel no. 5 just not your favorite scent?"  
  
"Hmmph." Bandit glared at Cecelia's portrait again. "I guess I just have a natural loathing for people who are too perfect. Too pretty, too nice.." He threw an angry glance around the room, noting all the expensive items stashed there. ".too rich definitely."  
  
"Hah!" The cat snorted. Bandit looked at her, confused. She grinned at him. "Like I believe that. You hate Cecelia because you're jealous."  
  
"Of what?!?" Bandit exclaimed, flabbergasted. "She's dead!"  
  
"And YOU'RE minty fresh?" She gave him a pointed look.  
  
"Well, at least I'm still walking around with the living!" Bandit retorted. "She's DEAD dead! Dead as a doornail dead! Dead and gone dead!"  
  
"Gone but not forgotten." Her stripey tail twitched in the sir. "Which is why you're jealous."  
  
"I don't think I follow you." Bandit gave her a suspicious glare.  
  
"You couldn't follow a straight line." The cat yawned, lazily examining her claws. "But I'll be happy to explain it for you. It's really quite obvious to someone with a clue. Stalking Pegasus while you were ALIVE because you hated him and wanted revenge may sound plausible, but coming back as a zombie so you can keep pestering him? Now THAT'S a stretch."  
  
She grinned at him, yellow eyes flashing unusually bright. "You're jealous of Cecelia because Pegasus loves HER, not you."  
  
"That." Bandit seethed. "Is the craziest thing I've EVER heard! ME?! In love. with. with Pegasus?!"  
  
"Oooooh, getting mighty defensive, are we?" The cat-girl laughed.  
  
"I'm outta here!!" Bandit slammed the door behind him. The cat-girl stood up, purring. She waited until she'd heard his angry footsteps disappear down the hall, and then laughed out loud. It'd been impossible not to notice that Bandit had turned beet red. and not from anger either.  
  
"I'll be watching you, Bandit Keith." The cat-girl grinned from ear to ear. She touched a hand to her throat, where a silver tag hung from her pink collar. It read 'Chess' in fancy Italic letters. "You may not be able to see me, but trust me..." Chess' body slowly began to fade into the air, all the way up to her face. "I have eyes everywhere." Her fanged grin hung in the air for a moment longer, then disappeared. * * *  
  
Bandit Keith stormed into the room where Yami B was having a photo shoot. He glanced around and then stopped dead in his tracks. Besides Pegasus and Yami B there were three figures standing in the room, three female figures in swimsuits that is. Bandit whistled appreciatively. "Hm, it seems I should have come back earlier." He laughed, and Téa, Mai, and Serenity shot glares in his direction.  
  
Pegasus sniffed the air surreptitiously. "'m, my favorite perfume." He glanced toward Bandit who was looking anywhere except at Pegasus. "Bandit, when did you start wearing ladies perfume?" Bandit started choking. Realization finally dawned on Pegasus. "Bandit!! You were in the ROOM weren't you?!"  
  
"What room?" Bandit replied, a little too quickly for Pegasus. Pegasus leapt toward Bandit and wrapped his hands around the other man's throat.  
  
"NO!" Pegasus screamed. "Cecelia's perfume, the last thing that scented 'er lovely self!!" The girls looking horrified, and completely unknowing of Bandit's current undead status, started trying to pull Pegasus away from the zombie.  
  
Serenity was shrieking. "Stop trying to kill him, Pegasus!" Yami B just stayed where he was shaking his head in amusement.  
  
"Bandit, you're skin feels clammier than usual." Stated Mai. All movement ceased and everyone stared at Mai, except Bandit, who just looked sheepish.  
  
"How do you know what his skin would usually feel like, Mai?" Asked Téa, a little afraid of the answer.  
  
"Uh... uh." Mai stuttered, racking her brain for an answer. "I meant clammier than most people, yeah that's what I meant, heh heh.'" A sweatdrop was forming on Mai's forehead. Meanwhile, Pegasus resumed his attack on Bandit Keith. The girls as well, continued to try to stop him.  
  
Yami B started to get a little frustrated, and screamed. "Bandit is already dead! This is pointless, Pegasus!" At these words the three girls jumped back with shrieks of surprise.  
  
"So he's. a zombie?" Mai asked. Pegasus merely nodded. Mai suddenly looked a little sick. "Ok, I don't mind touching zombie, but EWWWW I touched Pegasus!!" She started holding her hands a little way away from herself.  
  
"What did I do?" Pegasus asked while removing his hands from around Bandit's throat. Bandit sighed and started sucking in air greedily. Pegasus glanced up and a little behind Bandit's head. Hovering there, were 2 golden eyes and a grinning mouth. His eyes went wide and he slowly tried to furtively motion Chess out of the room before anyone else spotted her. One eye slowly closed in a clear wink. The grin grew wider and then disappeared.  
  
"Ahem, excuse me for a moment." Pegasus said, his face looking a little pale. He inched his way around the wall and stepped out of the door which had thankfully been ajar. Pegasus didn't even want to think about what someone would have thought if the door had opened, seemingly, on its own. Standing outside was the cat-girl. "Chess!! What in 'ell are you doing!? WHY are you following 'im around?!"  
  
"Well, he came into your wife's room and woke me up! He broke her perfume and peaked my interest. I can't sleep ALL day, you know!" Chess replied indignantly.  
  
"Didn't you ever hear curiosity killed the cat?" he asked.  
  
"Well, I'm not truly a cat, am I?" Chess grinned.  
  
Pegasus sighed exasperatedly. "Fine! Just make sure no one sees you! I don't need to be answering any awkward questions!"  
  
"Yeah, not that people aren't already constantly in confusion about your gender preferences or anything.." Chess yawned, rolling her eyes.  
  
"What do you mean by that?!" Pegasus demanded.  
  
"Honestly Maximillion, must you be so naïve?" Chess giggled and vanished with only a smile, and a saucy wink to preface her disappearance.  
  
Pegasus re-entered the room to find Croquet with his arms full of fur. Yami B was sitting in a convertible car, with the top down, which had been pulled into the room. The windows were tinted and the front window was rolled down ¾ of the way. Yami B had on a white fur coat and a fushia fedora hat, with a golden feather stuck into the brim. Yami B sat in the front driver's side seat. Bandit was lifting Téa onto the hood where she sat with her legs curled by her side. Serenity sat precariously on the top of Yami B's seat, with his arm wrapped around her waist. Mai sat in his lap with her back resting against his other arm, which rested on top of the steering wheel. In back, a screen had been pulled down to show a street in the ghetto. Croquet had set up an antique looking camera, and was taking shots.  
  
Yami B looked uncomfortable and confused, while the girls giggled hysterically. "What is this for again?" He questioned of Pegasus.  
  
Pegasus grinned. "Publicity, my good man, publicity."  
  
Well, so ends the second chapter, sorry this took so long everyone but don't worry because chapter 3 is already being written. Hopefully I'll have it out a bit sooner. hee hee hee. Well R&R please! Any criticisms are welcome! 


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